So what does "Healing" really mean?

God changed my life, yet again, this past Saturday night. While I’ll do my best to verbally explain the experience, I’ll have you know that nothing I could say will give enough justice to the miracle that occurred. Let me give you a little background of what led up to the evening. For several days I was feeling a heightened curiosity about the gift of healing in part because it is largely incorporated in my mission’s statement. As a whole the gift of healing has always been a fascinating mystery to me. When my cousin Nichole was diagnosed with cancer, I remember praying for her as much as I knew how at the age of 9 and eventually she was healed and has been a miracle ever since. Several years later when my daddy was diagnosed with cancer, I used all of my faith and truly believed without a shadow of a doubt that he was going to be healed. Since he passed away, the idea of ‘healing’ in the physical sense has always been hard for me to swallow. Years later when God started bringing me out of a very dark time of life, I began to experience different types of healing myself. God healed me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally… but it was that last one, the physical healing that always felt like I was hitting a brick wall.

There are no doubts in me that argue the fact that God heals. However, since I’ve been suffering with a sometimes mild, sometimes major female hormonal sickness myself, I’ve often wondered if I was missing something. As I was telling Lorelei on our way to worship Saturday night, I truly believe that God desires for me to experience physical healing. I can’t fathom God calling me to be a worshipper and place in me the desire for my worship bring healing, if I haven’t known healing myself.

Oddly enough, a short while after worship had begun; Travis said he felt like someone needed healing for their stomach. Now, as a rule of thumb, if I feel the need for prayer I usually give as little details as possible so that God can really speak to me without anyone’s personal input clouding God’s heart for me. As soon as Travis spoke up, I felt Lorelei’s eyes piercing my face, yet I did all I could to overt my stare from her direction. Rachel spoke up saying that she had been struggling with stomach pains and would like prayer. Travis agreed and asked if anyone else wanted prayer. Still avoiding any accusatory eye contact, I kept silent. Lorelei however burst out saying, “We also need to pray for Kristin!” which left me with nowhere to hide.

I’ve been prayed over for healing before but still haven’t experience what I believe to be God’s healing in my body. Unfortunately, my faith for healing that evening was not very strong. Yet on the fortunate side, it seems that everyone else’s faith on my behalf made up for my lack. After praying for Rachel, I was guided to have a seat. I told the group that I was diagnosed with an issue when I was 16 and that it’s gotten pretty bad over the years, I left the rest up for God to tell them. Everyone gathered around me and started praying. In the midst of general prayers, Herb asked me if I had any forgiveness issues still unsettled. I stated that nothing came to mind, and then Travis spoke up and said he felt like it was an issue with self forgiveness. To forgive yourself seems like such a cliché term and I wasn’t expecting much to happen. Travis instructed me to ‘get in the Spirit’ and let Him work. I honestly believe it was God’s ordained moment for me to receive from Him because while I was very nonchalant about this whole ordeal, the moment I closed my eyes the Spirit hit me. After a few moments of God working in me, Herb recited a prayed for me to repeat to let go of unworthiness, to know that I don’t owe anything, and to forgive myself.

Ethan came up to me and said that he saw a black cloud around my stomach area. As soon as he spoke, the Lord gave me a revelation. When I was 15 and first met my ex-fiancé the enemy had an assignment of destruction and he sent a demon to attach itself to me. The black cloud that Ethan recognized was the demonic darkness that had been attached to me. God had arrested the devil in my life years ago and cut off all demonic forces at that point. Travis felt the need to shout to my spirit to be healed, to which the group joined him. Right as they did that, I felt my female area cramping. Skeptically, I said to myself, “Ok this happens all the time how do I know this is God and I’m being healed this time?” Then I began to feel a pressurize tugging happening, almost as if stitches were being pulled out, and the Lord showed me that it was the claws of the demon being pulled out of my uterus where it had originally attached itself to me.

I started shaking both internally and externally and felt the Lord move through me. A few people asked if I felt any different. I didn’t answer honestly for the first few minutes because I wasn’t sure what had happened. Later in the night I was telling Rachel the sensation I had of the claws coming out of my flesh. She excitedly asked, “Did you see what Ethan was doing to you?” and I answered no because my eyes had been closed throughout the prayer. I can only assume that these two instances were coinciding, because God works greatly like that. I was told that Ethan was pulling something away from my stomach. Astounded, I waited and tried to process what God was doing in me.

My intention was to tell Ethan what had happened to me and how greatly God was using him, but I didn’t get the chance to that night. The next day when I was in the prayer shed I was asking God how I would know this time was any different than the other prayer times. I felt the Lord ask, “Is it still heavy?” I assumed he meant a type of spiritual heaviness, so I responded with no, and He asked again. Then He allowed me to realize that I was feeling weighed down by the lack of faith and the desire to experience physical healing for myself. When the claws were pulled out, I felt a wave of weightlessness surge through me. Apparently, God was replacing my weighty desire for healing with a weightless healing touch.

I was finally able to talk to Ethan about the whole ordeal on Sunday evening. As I was describing everything, he looked dumbfounded and told me that when Travis shouted for my healing, he saw a demon sitting on top of the black cloud with it’s arms crossed saying, “No!” that he wouldn’t move. Then the Lord told Ethan there was a rope on the ground and that he needed to pull it, and at the end of the rope was a boulder that fell out of my stomach. Ethan and I both became overwhelmed with the vastness of God.

God’s been sweeping through me since that night and has been expanding my faith for miraculous healing without me even asking him too. I know that God has called me to worship Him and be an avenue for His presence to heal nations. What does that look like? I don’t have an answer for that. Where will I go? No answer for that either. My confidence lies in the amazing reality of God’s movement in my life and His divine, unmistakable workings.

Glory to God!