Where to next?

Dearest Family and Friends,

It hasn’t been long since I came back from my amazing trip to Turkey. As you know from my previous updates, God truly molded my heart differently and in a greater way than expected. Since that time, God has continually been refining my character and revealing to me who He has created me to be. As I mentioned during my preparations for Turkey, God has been creating in me a deep desperation to bring His healing power to the nations through worship. With great enthusiasm I share with you yet another amazing opportunity God has allowed me to take advantage of. I will be a part of a mission team through New Life Providence Church to the country of Guatemala! Our team is scheduled to be in Guatemala from Saturday, February 27, 2010 – Saturday, March 6, 2010.

While we are in Guatemala, we will be visiting multiple orphanages and teaching the kids how to create a lifestyle of worship. The previous New Life team already laid foundational aspects of this very idea. We are going back with the expectation that God will use us to deepen the work He began during the last trip. In addition to teaching, there will be lots of playful times spent with the kids and possibly some outreaches and ministry opportunities with local churches. My hearts desire is to be a tangible example of God’s love for these children. I’ve never been to Guatemala, and never known anyone I will meet while we’re there, and yet I love them already. I believe God is opening my heart to receive an overflowing amount of love directly from His heart to pour into the people we will encounter.

Our team will be very busy, as our trip is just around the corner, learning about Guatemala and preparing for our ministry time there. I would like to invite you to be part of our team! We need people who will pray for us as we prepare and while we are on the field. We also need people who can partner with us financially. It will cost approximately $1,500.00 for me to go to Guatemala.

Would you pray about being a part of my support team? All financial contributions are tax-deductible. Checks should be made payable to New Life Ministries International (NLMI – Dept. of Missions, 1244 Thompkins Lane, Virginia Beach, VA 23464) and the envelope (not the check) should be clearly designated with both the trip name and my name. You may include the country/trip name on the memo line of your check but please do not include my name. If the check is designated with my name, according to IRS regulations, you will not be able to use it as a tax deduction. Also, you may make an online contribution through our website at http://newlife.cc/. Because we have to meet deadlines for airfare deposits and other arrangements, I need to have adequate financial support raised as soon as possible.

And if you are interested in being part of my personal prayer support team, please email me or give me a call. We plan to keep our prayer team regularly updated with prayer requests and praise reports. Thank you for praying about being part of our team in any way possible!

With lots of love,



New Life Contribution Policy: “Contributions to short-term mission trips are tax-deductible; however, in accordance with IRS regulations, these designated offerings are subject to the governing board’s control and discretion. When contributions for a particular individual exceed trip expenses, the governing board may redirect contributions to other mission team expenses or to another activity within the missions department.”

Opportunity of a Lifetime

God's been working on my heart a lot recently. And because of that there have been all sorts of spiritual and emotional hurdles thrown in my path. For instance, in the last several days I've been really missing my dad. Not for any particular reason other than I just miss him. Which is such a strange feeling. I only knew my dad for 13 years. Numerically that seems significant enough, however, I have no idea what a relationship would look like with him today. I remember things about him from when I was a kid, but I was just that, a child. I have no idea how I would have a father-daughter relationship with him in the here and now. Honestly, I don't even know if I remember him as much as I lead myself to believe. What if I am personifying an image of someone I've been told about and less someone I actually remember knowing. It's heartbreaking to think this way.

It makes things even more difficult when I feel as though I am following so closely in his footsteps, or at least the footsteps of his heart, so to speak. The one thing that I will never debate is my father's heart for worship. It oozed out of him. And now, as God's been stretching me in my own passion and destiny for worship, I feel as though I'm understanding my dad in a new way. I don't want to sound mystical but I truly do feel as though the mantel of worship has been passed to me. It wasn't until years after he passed away that God revealed my desires for worship. Years ago I was journaling and trying to express what I wanted from myself as a worshipper. Randomly I found a eulogy written about my dad that mentioned his heart's desire. After reading that one descriptive sentence, it's as if every unnamed thought, desire, passion, and heartthrob I had been wrestling with for years prior finally had a definition. There was no better way for God the Father to reveal the heart He created in me, than through my earthly father. He left a legacy which I never knew about as a child, not consciously anyways, didn't find until years after his death, and now claim as the cry of my own heart.

For months now I've constantly felt this inner tension, sort of like growing pains. I feel such a need to push past the things that have held me back from worshipping for so long. That same need paralyzes me. God's given me an ability that I'm confident in, however, when I'm put on the spot, every insecurity no matter how small explodes to the surface and chokes me! God's so much bigger than my fears, yet I never give Him the chance to prove that through me. Why the heck not? I don't really know. It seems easier to pass things onto someone else who's 'been there, done that'. But then, what is it going to take for this giant thing that's been churning within me, for God knows how long, to come out? How will I know when I'm standing face to face with the actual 'opportunity of a lifetime'? Perhaps every time God opens a door, it is in fact the 'opportunity of my lifetime' and I'm too afraid to admit that I want to take Him up on His offer.

Got a Question for ya...

I was talking with a friend yesterday and they started asking me what I'd rather be doing than working at my current job. My instant response was, "Anything else!" They continued to ask questions that ultimately lead to a conversation about the desires I have for ministry.

There are very few people I've shared my heart with in this area, because honestly, it doesn't make complete sense. I don't fully have a grasp on details, more a broad picture of what I long to see happen in God's presence. The one's I've shared this with are friends that are as close as family and I know and trust that they will understand my rambling.

Usually I'm a very expressive and transparent person and can articulate my thoughts well. Yet for some reason I felt my words almost crawl into a cave in my belly when I was being asked these questions. These weren't just surface questions, these were questions that were challenging my heart to be revealed. And to be completely honest, I wasn't hugely in favor of opening myself up in such ways.

Due to this feeling of emotional retreat, I began to ponder what made me feel so shy. Maybe it was because the person was asking intimate questions and wasn't settling for vague answers. Or it could be that I was being asked to express concepts that are extremely sensitive and personal to me. Possibly I was hesitant because I don't know the person well enough to trust them with information so deep in my heart.

I did my best to give what I could, but I recall feeling like I didn't justifiably answer those questions the way I would have wanted if I were the person asking. I became perplexed! Ironically, I am in fact the person that pushes right past surface 'get to know you' tidbits and I dive straight into someones heart, if allowed of course. Normally, when I'm getting to know someone I ask questions that require depth, because while I am sure your favorite color is a fascinating topic of conversation, I would much rather know the core of who you are and how you became that person. Rarely are the tables turned where I'm being asked more than I'm asking, as was the case with this specific instance.

Something inside of me cringed at the thought of sharing all of these things with this person because how did I know I could trust them to take care of the explanations my most prized desires from the Lord? I didn't! That's just it! I had no clue if this person would care enough or if it actually meant something to them to be listening to me. All of these things were racing through my head as I thought back on the conversation. And then something struck me that I hadn't yet had revealed to me...

I wonder if people feel that way about me when I ask them about their hearts.

That thought broke me into pieces.

There are those types of people who seem to be concerned with you and your feelings and what's going on in your life, just long enough so that you will return the gesture and ask them about themselves. I take residence on the very opposite side of the spectrum in this regard. When I'm spending time with someone and learning who they are and how they became and what God is still forming in them, I'm captivated with that person and them alone. I don't care if they ever ask me about myself. I wouldn't want to cheapen my sincerity in absorbing the things they share with me. To think that I may come off as someone who, as I felt in my situation, might not be able to fully appreciate the value of what they're giving, hurt my heart.

If someone were to begin sharing their heart on something, it's as if something inside of me bursts open with readiness to receive and care for every word that's being spoken. My heart becomes overwhelmed with love for the person speaking because they are giving of the very essence of who God created them to be, and that's the most beautiful and precious gift to be given. I so desire to be trusted by people who are giving of their hearts to me. I would never want to make anyone feel as though I would not cherish every word.

Having these insecurities rise up in me caused me to have an even stronger longing to know and be trusted by the hearts of those I encounter. It's not an idle attempt at conversation when I ask about your dreams, family, past, fears, passions, and everything else. Instead, it's as if the presence of the Lord increases in me with great joy at knowing you. Your hearts expressions bring fresh air to my soul. The potential for greatness and beauty that God has inside of you is unbelievably amazing! Nothing causes me to love you more than when you invite me into those deep places and trust that I will continue loving you no matter what your depths hold.

Stripped & Ineffective

Last night was the beginning of ARC Season 2. I've been having mixed emotions about where God wanted me and what He wants me to do in this next season. As I should have expected, God poured out His presence in our brief prayer time and gave me a distinct vision for what this next season holds.

I saw a picture of a wooden heart. Touching the heart was a metal screw which was partially wound into the wood. I then saw a hand fit a screwdriver into the ridges of the screw and begin to turn it deeper into the wood. As I was watching I could feel a literal pressure on my own heart. This hand was pushing and turning, slowly but with heaviness. I could see the tightening of the hand as it turned the screwdriver and the decreasing speed with which the screw was burrowing. Once the screw was unmovable and completely submerged into the depths of this heart, I saw the hand continue to turn the screw driver. It turned and turned and turned, and wouldn't stop. I thought to myself, "God why does the hand keep turning there is no where left for the screw to go." And God replied with, "I'm stripping it."

Taking a closer look I saw that the fitted head of the screw was now smooth and seemed as though it would be impossible to turn by any means, much less try and remove it from this solid wooden heart. The Lord began speaking to me and He explained that the wooden heart was His heart and the screw was me. He revealed He was securing me into a deeper place within His heart. This new depth will cause pressure to be placed on things in my life that may hinder me from fully deepening myself in His heart, and consequently causing my flesh to die more and more with every turn of the tool He uses.

He continued explaining that once the screw was fully immersed in the wood, He chose to strip away the ability for interference. Anything else which tried to remove the screw would be completely ineffective. The screw was so stripped that nothing would take it from that place in the heart. While things may try to attack, they will be ineffective in their attempt because of the screw's permanence. God specifically highlighted two terms: stripped and ineffective. He emphasized the stripping He longs for us to give Him permission to do, and in turn, promises that every scheme, attack, or trial will prove to be ultimately ineffective.

This is the new season God spoke about; that as long as we allow ourselves to be pressurized, He will maintain a steady movement which deepens our place within Him and His place within us. For every barrier we surrender, the deeper we are wound and the tighter security we have in Him and in His presence. He is consuming us with Himself and we will have no desire to escape.

There's this feeling

I frequently get this feeling that I'm going to explode if I don't worship. Or even during worship, I feel like I'm not worshipping to my fullest ability. Not for the lack of trying, but I feel like my heart has so much more to give that is still undefined.

I was experiencing this feeling last night. The Lord has been overwhelming me with a new found love for Him. Worship has been consuming my thoughts the past few days. My humming is worship, my thoughts are on worship lyrics, my iPod is jammed with the same music... I can't get away from it! It's as if this is the only way my spirit knows to express my love for Him on a continuous basis throughout my whole day. My spirit is constantly engaged in worship to the Lord without consciously trying. AMAZING!

Yet, there is so much more I want to do. Within these past few weeks since the Lord has downloaded His love in greater measures, I've had such a burning to worship, but not just traditional 'church service' worship. The longing in my spirit is to cause worship to God's heart every where I go with everything I do and with every person I encounter. If my spirit is in unceasing worship to God, why would the rest of me do anything less? Sometimes I want to just sing at the top of my lungs as loud as possible and see what happens in the spiritual world. I'd expect nothing less than to be stared at and made fun of, but what if something like that, so bold and wreckless, would shift the actual atmosphere of the spiritual realm? Would it not be worth a few giggles and a pointed finger?

I think it'd be great. Now if the follow through was only as easy as the idea...

The Perfect Spot

I’d like to share a wonderful story from an experience I had last night, so here it is!

Once upon a time…

I live in an apartment with 3 other girls, and we all have our own cars with which to park within 2 spaces provided in the back of our building. Originally, I and one of my other roommates were parking in the back permanently. The other 2 roommate whomever they may be are left to find a parking space somewhere on the street.

The 4 of us decided that we were going to rotate parking each month so that everyone gets fair usage of the spaces provided. Now, I will tell you that I am mentally, and 99% of the time physically incapable of parallel parking. Therefore, you can assume I was a bit hesitant to give up my parking space since I have no other option but to do that which I can not!

Yet, I chose to compromise and try to make it work. Well, last night was the first night I was sentenced to the street. I was texting my fellow curb hugger roommate to check and see if it was hard for her to find a spot when she got home. Surprisingly, she said it wasn’t that hard. This encouraged me. We mentioned that we would pray about the months we have to be on the street, that God would have favor on us.

As I’m driving home I start declaring that God will give me a parking spot. But then I began to feel selfish by asking that and decided to change my attitude. Instead, I started praying that God would give me the supernatural ability to parallel park so that this wouldn’t be such an issue for me. Still at the end I snuck in a little, “but if you could give me a perfect spot that’d be great! Amen.”

I drive onto my street around 10PM. The cars are usually lined up so I was expecting to have to search for a few minutes for a spot. With in a few inches of being on my street I see a spot where I am pretty sure I could fit into, but something in me felt to try a little closer to my apartment. I figured I would have to turn around and that I would end up in that spot anyways so I was actively praying that God would save that spot for me. Then, as I’m nearing the end of the street and the front of my apartment, I see what can only be thought of as an illusion. There is a parking spot directly in front of my apartment building right before the drive way making it PERFECT to drive right into without one bit of hassle. I thought to myself, “Wait, this can’t be real. Am I really allowed to park here?” But sure enough, it was the PERFECT PARKING SPOT just like I had prayed for minutes earlier.

Once my car was in park I burst into laughter at the awesomeness of God and His love for me! I couldn’t fully grasp the greatness of what He did for me in that moment, but I can tell you that the joy of the Lord was spilling out of me like a gushing waterfall!

… The end!

The season of choice

God’s been actively drawing me closer to Him throughout this summer and especially since ARC concluded. At times I felt empty and lost without my closest friends around at all times. Yet something in my core was standing strong amidst my emotional weakness. As the days and weeks went on, God began to grow stronger and stronger within me. He was often speaking and it seemed that in my times of solitude my ears were being turned even closer without my knowing.

I was in a place of hopelessness in many areas of my life. Things seemed so stagnant and numbing. Then, out of the blue, God starts speaking to me. I felt Him calling me to a new place of dedication. In my carnal mind I was trying to piece together some sort of plan or schedule or pattern that I could follow to accomplish this new found calling. Yet, God was so sweet and simply told me, “Kristin, just start something and see what happens.” I was taken aback at first. “God,” I said, “you know better than anyone that this is how I work best, with plans and things.” Again I heard, “Don’t look backwards! Start something new, and see what I do with it!” I didn’t know how to respond to that. I felt a slight relief and yet confusion all at once.

In His great love for me, He directed me not by way of demands, but by way of desires. Rather than depriving myself of things and making this whole season more religious than it should be, God was teaching me the power of choice. [Choice: an option, a decision, an opportunity to choose or select something, one selection or preference.] God is becoming my preference in such deeper ways. Growing up in the all too comfortable ‘Christian bubble’ caused me to take for granted the amazingness of choosing God. It wasn’t a choice before, it just was and that was that.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I truly and deeply love the Lord, but too often in years past God was not my first choice, whether I consciously knew it or not. Now, the closer He draws me into His heart, the stronger my desires are for Him and Him alone. I’ve been choosing God. I’ve been training my flesh to submit to my spirits only desire and that is to minister to the heart of God. This whole concept seems so simple. It’s not as if I haven’t walked through seasons of similarity before, but there is something very special about the purity with which He’s drawing me that almost makes me giddy! :)

And now, I feel that my choices previously this season have opened the door for God to shine his enormous light on and through me. Just recently there was an experience where I felt as though the Lord’s shadow was hovering over me and I could feel the weight of His breath as He remained close. As a worshipper there is a heightened sensitivity and passion for, well just about everything, built into our DNA. Because of that, I’ve always responded quicker when my spirit was touched. Without that emotion, there were plenty of times that I didn’t receive as much as I could have because ‘I wasn’t feeling it’. Through this past year, recent season and especially these past days, God has shown me that He’s taken my sensitivity to the spirit and drove it to such a deeper place. No longer does it feel like my spirit is waiting at the surface to jump when called. It feels as if my spirit is burrowed deep in the soil of God and begins erupting when stirred.

There has been this very apparent buzzing in my spirit, almost like the buzz you hear and feel when you are close to giant power wires. I’ve been feeling that electricity for over a week now. I can’t help but assume that God’s doing something within me that’s causing this feeling. Last weekend the Lord made me acutely aware of how BIG He is and how small I am in comparison. But He wasn’t showing me this in a way that made me feel any less valuable, more so, it bought this amazing comfort that I have this huge God to fall back on when I feel I’m in over my head. If only I had this revelation years ago…

God’s also been shedding light on areas of my past that I felt were healed and sealed. He’s making obvious connections and allowing my insecurities to be tested. I’m not sure what’s to come of these things that are so oddly and rapidly being brought to my attention, but I’m trying to soak them in as thoroughly as possible. It’s almost as if He’s taking my heart down the road of preparation for something that seems so far beyond my current sphere of life. Quiet questions are spinning in my mind. Yet all the while I hear His steady, peaceful voice saying, “Wait.” “Wait and see what I will do.” “Wait and you’ll know.” “Wait and you will understand.” I’m not completely convinced He realizes that He’s talking to one of His least patient children! No matter the length of time or cost of my flesh, I choose to wait on You!

Destination: Turkey! - Welcome Home

Happy July Everyone! As you have probably assumed, the team and I have made it back from our trip to Turkey safe and sound. I’m might be unable to fully express all that God has done because of this experience. Let me begin by telling you about our trip! Our traveling was mostly uneventful, in the best possible way. We arrived in Antalya, Turkey just before midnight on Thursday, June 11th. Our sleeping arrangements were great. We stayed at an adorable hostel in old town Antalya, complete with our own showers and air conditioning. Praise the Lord! We spent our first real day in the city exploring and meeting locals. Each day we were able to experience a bit of the culture whether by activity, historical teaching or authentic cuisine. The team visited the Antalya Museum and learned a bit about the history of the country. There was a day spent prayer walking around a near by province within Turkey. Also, we took at 3 day excursion to a city called Cappadocia which is home of centuries old cities, churches, and monasteries that were carved from within the mountainside rocks. To maximize our usefulness, we turned our tour bus into a traveling prayer house, by each taking 1 hour slots of time to intercede for the cities we were driving through. In keeping with the theme of the city we were visiting, the place we stayed was also created within caves. While it sounds like we may have been roughing it, check out this website (http://www.elkepevi.com/) and know that God definitely blessed us! Along the way, we spent time at historical tombs, storage facilities, and an open air museum. The team spent a day climbing to all sorts of different ‘rock churches’ and were able to see fresco painting of Jesus, the disciples, and some other religious figures which were important to the early century dwellers. Since our purpose was not just to see great sites, we made sure to share God’s presence through worship and prayer within most of the areas we stopped. After returning to Antalya, we spent more time in prayer and worship. We spent another day prayer walking through villages, and were able to meet families who invited us into their homes to have coffee and lunch with them. God ordained a meeting with the Imam, from a village and he graciously allowed us to explore the village’s mosque. He recited the traditional call to prayer for us, and in return we were able to pray for him and his son. The village visits were my favorite ministry opportunity of the trip. Shortly after our arrival, I had begun to question my purpose for being on this team. I was feeling very little spiritual movement and seemed to be very disconnected. Many times I strived to be spiritually minded but I felt as though I was failing; until our last day of prayer walking. The Lord shown greatly through my physical and spiritual weakness and in that began to stir my heart more than it had been stirred the entire trip. I didn’t fully understand why, now nearing the end of the trip, I was ‘getting it’ but I did nonetheless. Earlier today I was explaining to one of my teammates how I was feeling and the Lord gave me a great picture of what He did within me. The longer I've been back the more I realize how foundational this trip was for me. It seems like God is laying a cement pathway in my heart. And while we were in Turkey, the mixture was being stirred, but towards the end of the trip (now looking back) it's as if He poured the mixture into the molded path. It still seemed muddy and unsettled when I first came home but now I feel as though it's "hardening" and being sealed in me. As I mentioned in earlier letters, I had great expectations on this trip and I felt as though the Lord had a great download He wanted to place within me. I now can say that I feel His holy heaviness in my spirit. At this point, there is no identifying marking as to what this will lead too; however, this trip has given me an understanding of what true faith is. When He called me on this trip, I said yes without knowing if logistics would work out in my favor. I did everything I could to prove my faith; however, it seemed to come so easily. I did not realize that this trip would require so much foundational faith and so little emotional senses. I’m learning each new day that God laid a foundation that He’s cementing in my heart and spirit. While I’m eager to run down the road to find what’s on the other side, I am also being taught to appreciate the sealing process that He did and will continue to do. There are not enough words to exaggerate my unceasing gratitude to each and every one of you for sowing into my life, and ultimately my future ministry. I love you all and hope that God blesses you a hundred times more than He’s blessed me because of your willingness to love and support me! I hope you all have a blessed and great 4th of July! With lots of love~

Destination: Turkey! - Departure

Good Morning Everyone! This is it, my last update until we return home! We will be boarding the plane around 5:30PM today and will be gone until Sunday, June 21st. Again, I can not thank all of you enough for your generosity, time and love! I'm taking a bit of each of you with me on this journey! Please keep the team in your prayers, as well as the country. We're planning to create quite a stir in the spirit! :) Lots of Love!

Destination: Turkey! - May Update

It’s time for summer! I truly feel that God’s presence has been shining on me brighter than the sun! In November when I first committed to this trip, I fervently prayed that the Lord would pay off my trip by May 1st. I’m the type of person that would have been stressing out way too much if I was waiting until the last minute to raise my funds. After my update in April, God miraculously paid off the rest of my trip! God’s favor has astounded me throughout this process. My faith for financial support seemed to be effortlessly easy. Normally, this would be my hardest area for me to believe for, however, God spoke so clearly, I knew that He would provide. As I’ve said before, God spoke to me and said that He was preparing me for Turkey to prepare me for the rest of my life. I believe that the greatness of God’s love is pouring into me in a way that I’ve never known. He’s been expanding my faith for provision and favor. Also, He’s been teaching me to trust His voice with a depth that is seeping into every area of my spirit. Each principle the Lord has been teaching me is forming my future in His will. I feel extraordinarily blessed by His hands in my life! We leave 18 days from today; this time has flown by! While we were meeting a few weeks back, I felt God release me and our team to receive from Him just as much as we’re pouring out of Him. I feel like this trip is going to be transformational for each of us in molding who we are as worshippers and prayer warriors. I’m hoping that our intercession would be catapulted to a new level so that we see some drastic changes in the spiritual oppression over the country! I sincerely appreciate each of you and dearly thank you again for your commitment to supporting me both financially and prayerfully! Your prayers are of immeasurable value to my team and me.

Survival Turkish

The team received an email from the couple that lives in Turkey. Included in their email was an information sheet with some Turkish phrases. Since I want each of my supporters to feel as connected as possible, I thought I'd share some of my Turkish knowledge with you! Ready? First lets do something easy. We'll begin with numbers:

• Zero – Sifir
• One – Bir
• Two – İki
• Three – Üç
• Four – Dört
• Five – Beş
• Six – Alti
• Seven – Yedi
• Eight – Sekiz
• Nine – Dokuz
• Ten - On

Do you feel educated? Just wait until you try these next phrases!

• Hello – Merhaba
• Thank you – Teşekkürler
• How are you? – Nasıl sınıs?
• I’m good. – İyiyim.
• Where is the toilet? – Tuvalet nerede?
• Welcome – Hoş geldiniz

Now for the real reason we're going:

• God – Allah
• Jesus – İsa
• God bless you – Allah bereketlisin
• God willing – İnshallah
• Praise God – Hamd Olsun
• Come Lord Jesus – Gel Rob İsa
• Come Holy Spirit – Gel Kutsal Ruh
• Fire - Ateş

I hope you have enjoyed this lesson. :) I'm praying that the Lord will give me supernatural abilities of fluency in this language! Otherwise, now you know as much as I do! Lots of Love To Ya!!

Destination: Turkey! - April Update

Spring has Sprung! I'm so thankful that Jesus has risen and given us opportunity for life and love! I sincerely thank everyone who has given a donation at this point towards my mission to Turkey. God is so rich and I'm so thankful that He's been pouring into this ministry opportunity! When I first committed to this trip, I was very specific with the Lord and asked for the entirety of my financial support to be raised by May 1st. As it stands now, I only owe $300 to have my trip paid in full! Thank you again for everyone who has committed to supporting me both financially and prayerfully! Your prayers are of unmeasurable value to my team and I. We've had our first official meeting and were given our research assignments. I chose to research the History of Turkey. Wow, is there ever an abundance of information! This coming Sunday, April 19th, we will be having our next team meeting where we will present our topics to each other. I have a sneaking suspicion that these next 7 1/2 weeks will be flying by! Last night, I had dinner at an authentic Turkish restaurant with my mentor and friend, who went to Turkey last year. I do believe that I was born to eat of this country's cuisine! She shared lots of her experiences and tips on traditions in the country. Every day I grow more and more excited to embark on this journey! God has given me big expectations for what He's going to do and how He's going to use me on this trip! He spoke to me back in November and told me, "I'm preparing you for Turkey, to prepare you for the rest of your life!" I have little clarity as to what the rest of my life looks like through His eyes, yet His promises are rock solid and I'm standing tall! Would you please continue to pray about being a part of my support team? All financial contributions are tax-deductible. Checks should be made payable to New Life Ministries International and the envelope (not the check) should be clearly designated with both the trip name and my name. You may include the country/trip name on the memo line of your check but please do not include my name. If the check is designated with my name, according to IRS regulations, you will not be able to use it as a tax deduction. Also, you may make an online contribution through our website at http://newlife.cc/. Because we have to meet deadlines for airfare deposits and other arrangements, I need to have adequate financial support raised as soon as possible. With lots of love, Kristin DePola New Life Contribution Policy: "Contributions to short-term mission trips are tax-deductible; however, in accordance with IRS regulations, these designated offerings are subject to the governing board's control and discretion. When contributions for a particular individual exceed trip expenses, the governing board may redirect contributions to other mission team expenses or to another activity within the missions department." Make check payable to: New Life Ministries International or "NLMI" Donation for: Kristin DePola Trip location: Turkey (For tax benefit, please do not put my name on your check) Mail donation to: NLMI-Dept. of Missions 1244 Thompkins Lane Virginia Beach, VA 23464

God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called

Last week I was at a prayer gathering with my mom, my aunt and some of my favorite Naomi’s. When I first got there they ladies were talking about the world and different things the Lord had been speaking to them. As I sat listening, they began to quiz me and test my spiritual discernment. To my credit, I was told that I got an A+. My aunt really encouraged me by telling me that I am in fact hearing the Lord and that I need to begin trusting the Holy Spirit and having confidence in His leadings. More or less… follow my gut.

My intention when being around these women is to glean knowledge and understanding in the spirit. I usually stay quite because I don’t feel I have anything to offer. Apparently, the Lord has been maturing me more than I know because while there, He gave me a very distinct and vivid vision to share with the ladies.

Mom had a word about the reference in Ezekiel 3 where the Lord tells Ezekiel to eat the scroll which will be sweet to his mouth yet bitter in his stomach. She said the Lord kept speaking, “Eat the scroll.” Just after that, one of the other women had a strong sense that there was an urgency to prepare for an upcoming devastation. Hearing this warning made me ask God, “How do we prepare?” and I heard Him answer, “By eating the scroll.” I then felt like that Lord was saying that the scroll in this case was His word and that in order to prepare for anything, we need to go beyond just reading, we need to ingest and digest His words. We need to exchange the world for the word!

A little bit after that while we were all in prayer is when the vision came. I saw a picture of a drafting table. There were 2 sets of lines. The line I was in, along with one of the other women in the room with me, was on the right hand side and we were standing in front of a soldier who was seated behind the table. To the left was the other set of lines in front of a man who was standing up behind the table and was dressed in a dark navy suit jacket. This other woman and I, as well as all the others in each line were dressed in camouflage uniforms. The men behind the tables were handing out papers to each person in line. I saw myself standing at the front of the line and the seated soldier handed me a rolled up piece of manila paper and said, “Here are you orders.” I grasped the paper and turned to join a line of people walking away from the drafting table.

I shared the vision with the ladies. We all recognized that the rolled up piece of paper could have easily represented the scroll the Lord spoke about earlier in the evening. After returning to prayer I heard two military ranks, General and Commander in Chief. Not knowing anything about military ranks or what significance it had to the vision, I stayed silent. The next morning while at work, I researched the two ranks. Surprisingly, I found that the General is the highest rank in the military, however the Commander in Chief is the President’s title and who has final say in any military decision.

Shortly after pondering this information the Lord took me back into my vision. I instantly knew that the official looking man to my left was representing the General, and the common looking soldier in front of me was the Commander in Chief. God said, “You are not receiving your orders from the worlds leader, but you are receiving Kingdom orders from your Commander in Chief!” From my vision He also showed me that after I accepted my orders, I was signifying the Spirit of God infiltrating the army of the enemy. At that moment I knew the Lord wanted me to accept my new assignment and devour whatever ‘orders’ He was about to give me. The next day at work, I was definitely given a new assignment, which involves a lot of transition, sacrifice, and uncomfortable movement. A good friend of mine made a comment once, “For every ‘Yes God’, around the corner is a ‘No God not that!”. I identified with that statement more than ever! Honestly, my spirit has had a peace and joy since that evening, but I’ve been keeping my mind in a state of denial because I can’t imagine leaving my comfortable life and schedule.

I’m going to use this cyber world as a place to proclaim that I’m going to accept the assignment the Lord has given me, and I’m not going to let my flesh dictate my emotions. The Lord was specific and He has a strategy that I can’t fathom understanding. I love and trust my Father, and should expect nothing but the best from Him!

So… here’s to a new day and new orders!

Blast From the Past

If someone were to ask me, “How’s life?” I would not hesitate to answer, “Great!” However, I would be lying. Ok, maybe I wouldn’t be completely lying because my life is great! I have a career that I enjoy, I live in an amazing apartment with great roommates, I’m included in one of the best missionary communities I’ve ever known, and I’m going out of the country in approximately 3 months! What more could I ask for? Aside from all of that, it seems that there is something very ugly making itself quite apparent in my life these past 2 weeks. This would be the reason for my not-so-honest answer to the question of how life is going.

ARC has been tremendous in the way God has been working in and through everyone. Yet there is something that came over me a few weeks ago. The only way I’ve been able to describe this thing as, is a nostalgic depression. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed or anything, but I have an acute awareness of how I used to feel when I was struggling with depression previously.

We’ve all been through some serious attacks recently. Personally, I haven’t had anything noticeable hit my life, other than this looming gray cloud that I can’t seem to shake. Tuesday night, one of the ARC girls was sharing a prayer request about her family. My heart immediately felt sympathetic, since I’ve also known endless amounts of family tragedies. Then no sooner could I get the ‘awe” out of my mouth, but I instantly felt jealous and angry. Haven’t I been through a lot in my life? Why are you all not consoling me? Just because I’m on the other side of my crap doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Why aren’t I the one you care about? Why don’t you see my hurt? All I could think was, “Where the heck did these feelings come from?”

Then I began to feel my skin crawl. I was trying to exit the shed as quickly as possible; however, because we were in the middle of class, I was painfully trapped! My mind couldn’t focus on one word anyone was saying. There was an iPod playing in the background. I kept straining my ear to hear the songs, and would close my eyes to escape into worship… this being my one sure fire way to find Jesus in the midst of my insane emotions. Success was not found in this attempt. After searching for my escape route and coming up dry, I gave up. I sat there, miserable and barely able to contain the chaos inside of my body. When we were finally nearing the end, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. I was sure that someone would notice that there was a sea of hatred welling up in my mind. Once the end was at hand, without hesitation I grabbed my things and bolted out the door. I tried my hardest to ignore everyone’s ‘Goodbyes’ and made a bee line for my car.

While I was driving home, I literally felt my whole body shiver with the most agonizing uncomfortable feeling I’ve experienced in quite some time. I was upset by my own disgusting display of emotions, because they were so unjustified! I love my friend who was sharing about her life. I want nothing more than for her to feel comfort, and who better to help comfort her than someone who’s been through family issues themselves! My mind was searching for an explanation to this unusually overwhelming feeling but nothing was making sense.

All of these feelings I was dealing with in the days before were just memories of something I felt in my own hard time of life. I knew that nothing going on presently in my personal life was actually causing me to feel depressed or heavy. Of course there is always the ‘spiritual attack’ reasoning, but I was convinced it was something else. Over the years, I’ve grown from completely bottling my emotions to becoming transparent in a healthy fashion. Every once in a while I will become overwhelmed with life or the circumstances presenting themselves and I tend to shut down for a short period of time until I can figure out how to smooth things over. Sometimes I involve a friend or family member to pray with me, other times I keep it to just me and God. With this situation, a very small part of me was whispering to expose the feelings I had been having, and the larger part of me was saying to run away from everyone and keep this locked inside. Unfortunately, I chose the later. I was planning on working things out just me and my good friend Jesus, but then the story progressed. I had some extra time before I had to go to work Thursday morning. While relaxing on my bed I decided to check my MySpace account which I had not done in ages. To my surprise, there were several messages from someone that is directly connected to the largest attack the enemy had ever had on my life years ago. I checked the date the message was sent, and it was sent on the exact day that I had begun having this unnatural heaviness plague my spirit. Right at that moment I knew the enemy was out to ruin me. There were several minutes of confusion and a large portion of my morning spent crying. I praised God that I was not struck with a spirit of fear. I’d like to credit that to the freedom He’s allowed me to experience while ARC has been doing the outreaches in slightly rough areas of Norfolk. However, I knew 20 minutes of crying wasn’t going to be the end of Satan’s scheme.

We recently had a visitor to ARC advice the group that, while our closeness is a gift from God, beware because the enemy may be causing dissention in the group. I fully believe the jealousy and anger I was feeling are quite accurate to this warning. After having a heart-to-heart with my mother the morning of the messages, she said that the emotions I was feeling could have been God’s way of preparing me for this to happen. I fully believe that in the midst of all the glory God is getting, the enemy is digging as hard as possible to corrupt us.

It has been over 4 years since I had to be faced with the people that contacted me. Again, God’s been breaking the fear of man over my life and He’s also been ministering great healings in my life. But I still dreaded the day when something like this may happen. This surprise was definitely not pleasant, but I do have a sense of relief. I’m not glad that I was contacted by any means; however, this brings clarity to the oppression I’ve been feeling and, it brings light to places in my life that God is asking me to surrender.

Now, why do I feel it’s necessary to explain these things? Because, knowing what I’m facing gives me traction in the fight against Satan’s attacks. Also, I want to do anything possible to derail the enemy’s plan against me, and partnering with everyone in prayer is a vital key in this process. I can’t be completely sure what the enemy is trying to do in my life, but I can be welded as close to the Lord as possible until there is victory. If you feel led, please join with me in prayer for this situation, and also pray for a covering for all of the ARC members.

To God Be the Glory!!

Destination: Turkey! - March Update

Happy March Everyone!

Hopefully each of you has received my original letter, and I pray that this update finds you well!

As I mentioned previously, God has placed a call to worship on my life and a strong desire to see His miraculous healing flow through worshiping Him. During the first weeks of January, God placed His healing touch on my own body. This experience released countless amounts of revelation and brought me to a new depth in His love! My prayer is that God would use the touch He placed on me to minister to everyone I encounter both here at home and in Turkey!

I sincerely thank everyone who has given a donation at this point towards my mission to Turkey. God is so rich and I'm so thankful that He's been pouring into this ministry opportunity! As it stands now, I have received $1,600 towards my trip out of the required $2,900. I'm over half way there, Praise Him! The finances are definitely a need, but please continue to cover my team and I with your prayers because those are priceless!

We will begin having team meetings shortly, and when more details are given to me, I will joyfully pass them onto you! My heart longs to see the kingdom of heaven come to earth. Thank you again for everyone who has committed to supporting me both financially and prayerfully!

Would you please continue to pray about being a part of my support team? All financial contributions are tax-deductible. Checks should be made payable to New Life Ministries International and the envelope (not the check) should be clearly designated with both the trip name and my name. You may include the country/trip name on the memo line of your check but please do not include my name. If the check is designated with my name, according to IRS regulations, you will not be able to use it as a tax deduction. Also, you may make an online contribution through our website at http://newlife.cc/. Because we have to meet deadlines for airfare deposits and other arrangements, I need to have adequate financial support raised as soon as possible.

With lots of love!



New Life Contribution Policy: "Contributions to short-term mission trips are tax-deductible; however, in accordance with IRS regulations, these designated offerings are subject to the governing board's control and discretion. When contributions for a particular individual exceed trip expenses, the governing board may redirect contributions to other mission team expenses or to another activity within the missions department." Make check payable to: New Life Ministries International or "NLMI" Donation for: Kristin DePola Trip location: Turkey (For tax benefit, please do not put my name on your check)Mail donation to:

NLMI-Dept. of Missions 1244 Thompkins Lane Virginia Beach, VA 23464

My 1st Open Heart Surgery

It was brought to my attention that I needed to write more often, so I decided that since I have nothing of worth to do at work right now, that I would spend my time in deep thought. I don’t quite know how I can express the greatnesses that have been happening these past several weeks; however I did remember a huge revelatory breakthrough that God gave me which I would like to share with you. Before I begin, I want to inform those who’s eyes happen to stumble upon my writings, that you are privileged individuals. Occasionally I will share God’s words to me with close friends, but I rarely allow my heart to be this exposed to the masses. That being said, please don’t take what you’re about to read as just a good story, but more as something the Lord may want to speak into your own life as well.

The second weekend of January was when we had our ARC kick off. For week’s maybe even months before, God had been working on my heart and preparing me for some major work. That Sunday, we had a big family dinner followed by worship and prayer. While Lorelei and I were cleaning the dishes after dinner, she referenced a conversation we had earlier that week and told me she felt like God wanted me to know that He’s not going to give me band-aids and scars but that He wants to give me a new heart. Initially it didn’t spark anything special in me, but I accepted what she was saying and kept on with my task. Later on in the evening while we were worshipping God gave me an extremely vivid picture of what He wanted to do inside of me.

The picture started out almost like an episode of House M.D. where the doctors are working on the patient in the operating room and someone was in the observation deck watching the surgery. In this case both the observer and the patient were both me. I saw myself on the operating table with the surgical staff all around me. It seemed that they were doing open heart surgery because my chest was cracked wide open and my internal organs were exposed. Then I see the head surgeon, who appeared to be God, take my heart out of my chest. Now, I haven’t seen an actual heart other than on TV but in this case, my heart was blackened with scars and it was disfigured with clotted and crusted blood all over it (lovely visual, I know). At this point I’m assuming that the vision is going to progress into me having some type of transplant, which would line up perfectly with what Lorelei had shared with me earlier that evening. I began to grieve the loss of my existing heart but tried to embrace the newness that I thought God was going to give me. Instead, God takes my heart and placed it in this basin filled with blood. He then proceeds to ever so gently massage the organ and wipe away all the grime and filth from every crevice imaginable. Once He was satisfied with the cleaning, He took this freshly washed heart and placed it back inside my chest. As this vision was unfolding God narrated that He did not want to replace my heart with a new yet foreign one, but that He’s making my heart new! He reassured me that I won’t need to grieve the thought of losing myself with my old heart. What He was saying though, is that He was washing away the fear, pain and bitterness which had begun to suffocate my heart. He spoke that instead of being trapped by the old memories and situations, that I will be able to live, breathe and rejoice in everything I do whether it’s something new or something that resembles a tragic moment from my past.

Needless to say, I felt completely exposed and vulnerable yet for some reason I was compelled to share my vision with the group. It was suggested that I be prayed for, and I did not refuse. Rachel prayed over me that few people know the depth of pain I’ve been through in my life but in return few people will know the depth and extent of healing God has for me. And from this place of healing I will be able to speak into the lives of others and allow God’s healing to penetrate them as it did me. Ethan began to pray for me as well and he said I needed to be aware of how my heart was beating because I would actually be able to feel God moving and massaging my heart. For the next week I could feel my heart pounding in such a different way that I knew it had to be the presence of God coursing through my arteries! These events paved the way for the breakthrough of healing I experienced the following week, which you can read about in my previous blog.

Enjoy and be blessed!

So what does "Healing" really mean?

God changed my life, yet again, this past Saturday night. While I’ll do my best to verbally explain the experience, I’ll have you know that nothing I could say will give enough justice to the miracle that occurred. Let me give you a little background of what led up to the evening. For several days I was feeling a heightened curiosity about the gift of healing in part because it is largely incorporated in my mission’s statement. As a whole the gift of healing has always been a fascinating mystery to me. When my cousin Nichole was diagnosed with cancer, I remember praying for her as much as I knew how at the age of 9 and eventually she was healed and has been a miracle ever since. Several years later when my daddy was diagnosed with cancer, I used all of my faith and truly believed without a shadow of a doubt that he was going to be healed. Since he passed away, the idea of ‘healing’ in the physical sense has always been hard for me to swallow. Years later when God started bringing me out of a very dark time of life, I began to experience different types of healing myself. God healed me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally… but it was that last one, the physical healing that always felt like I was hitting a brick wall.

There are no doubts in me that argue the fact that God heals. However, since I’ve been suffering with a sometimes mild, sometimes major female hormonal sickness myself, I’ve often wondered if I was missing something. As I was telling Lorelei on our way to worship Saturday night, I truly believe that God desires for me to experience physical healing. I can’t fathom God calling me to be a worshipper and place in me the desire for my worship bring healing, if I haven’t known healing myself.

Oddly enough, a short while after worship had begun; Travis said he felt like someone needed healing for their stomach. Now, as a rule of thumb, if I feel the need for prayer I usually give as little details as possible so that God can really speak to me without anyone’s personal input clouding God’s heart for me. As soon as Travis spoke up, I felt Lorelei’s eyes piercing my face, yet I did all I could to overt my stare from her direction. Rachel spoke up saying that she had been struggling with stomach pains and would like prayer. Travis agreed and asked if anyone else wanted prayer. Still avoiding any accusatory eye contact, I kept silent. Lorelei however burst out saying, “We also need to pray for Kristin!” which left me with nowhere to hide.

I’ve been prayed over for healing before but still haven’t experience what I believe to be God’s healing in my body. Unfortunately, my faith for healing that evening was not very strong. Yet on the fortunate side, it seems that everyone else’s faith on my behalf made up for my lack. After praying for Rachel, I was guided to have a seat. I told the group that I was diagnosed with an issue when I was 16 and that it’s gotten pretty bad over the years, I left the rest up for God to tell them. Everyone gathered around me and started praying. In the midst of general prayers, Herb asked me if I had any forgiveness issues still unsettled. I stated that nothing came to mind, and then Travis spoke up and said he felt like it was an issue with self forgiveness. To forgive yourself seems like such a cliché term and I wasn’t expecting much to happen. Travis instructed me to ‘get in the Spirit’ and let Him work. I honestly believe it was God’s ordained moment for me to receive from Him because while I was very nonchalant about this whole ordeal, the moment I closed my eyes the Spirit hit me. After a few moments of God working in me, Herb recited a prayed for me to repeat to let go of unworthiness, to know that I don’t owe anything, and to forgive myself.

Ethan came up to me and said that he saw a black cloud around my stomach area. As soon as he spoke, the Lord gave me a revelation. When I was 15 and first met my ex-fiancé the enemy had an assignment of destruction and he sent a demon to attach itself to me. The black cloud that Ethan recognized was the demonic darkness that had been attached to me. God had arrested the devil in my life years ago and cut off all demonic forces at that point. Travis felt the need to shout to my spirit to be healed, to which the group joined him. Right as they did that, I felt my female area cramping. Skeptically, I said to myself, “Ok this happens all the time how do I know this is God and I’m being healed this time?” Then I began to feel a pressurize tugging happening, almost as if stitches were being pulled out, and the Lord showed me that it was the claws of the demon being pulled out of my uterus where it had originally attached itself to me.

I started shaking both internally and externally and felt the Lord move through me. A few people asked if I felt any different. I didn’t answer honestly for the first few minutes because I wasn’t sure what had happened. Later in the night I was telling Rachel the sensation I had of the claws coming out of my flesh. She excitedly asked, “Did you see what Ethan was doing to you?” and I answered no because my eyes had been closed throughout the prayer. I can only assume that these two instances were coinciding, because God works greatly like that. I was told that Ethan was pulling something away from my stomach. Astounded, I waited and tried to process what God was doing in me.

My intention was to tell Ethan what had happened to me and how greatly God was using him, but I didn’t get the chance to that night. The next day when I was in the prayer shed I was asking God how I would know this time was any different than the other prayer times. I felt the Lord ask, “Is it still heavy?” I assumed he meant a type of spiritual heaviness, so I responded with no, and He asked again. Then He allowed me to realize that I was feeling weighed down by the lack of faith and the desire to experience physical healing for myself. When the claws were pulled out, I felt a wave of weightlessness surge through me. Apparently, God was replacing my weighty desire for healing with a weightless healing touch.

I was finally able to talk to Ethan about the whole ordeal on Sunday evening. As I was describing everything, he looked dumbfounded and told me that when Travis shouted for my healing, he saw a demon sitting on top of the black cloud with it’s arms crossed saying, “No!” that he wouldn’t move. Then the Lord told Ethan there was a rope on the ground and that he needed to pull it, and at the end of the rope was a boulder that fell out of my stomach. Ethan and I both became overwhelmed with the vastness of God.

God’s been sweeping through me since that night and has been expanding my faith for miraculous healing without me even asking him too. I know that God has called me to worship Him and be an avenue for His presence to heal nations. What does that look like? I don’t have an answer for that. Where will I go? No answer for that either. My confidence lies in the amazing reality of God’s movement in my life and His divine, unmistakable workings.

Glory to God!