Destination: Guatemala! March Update

Hello Everyone! It has been several months since I’ve sent an update because we were waiting for the dates of our trip to be finalized. Guess what? WE HAVE DATES!

We’ve been told that our trip will be from Sunday, July 25th – Tuesday August 3rd. I was quite excited to see that our trip is actually longer that the previously planned dates. Isn’t God great to reward our patience?! Currently I’ve raised $1,050.00 towards the trip, leaving an outstanding $450.00 still needed for my trip to be completely paid! We will hopefully start meeting as a team from May forward to learn more about Guatemala and the ministry we will be doing while we are there. Our trip seems to be moving in a progressive direction, and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me! Please continue to read some of the things God has been doing in my heart recently.

This past weekend we had our annual young women’s conference, DNA, and the theme was ‘Made to Worship’. After worship on the first night, Pastor Tina asked us to open our hands to the Lord to both surrender those things to Him which were making us feel bound, and also to receive from Him anything He had to give us. As I stood there with my eyes closed and my palms open, I had a very real encounter with the Lord. I was positioned to both give to the Lord and receive from Him, and was waiting for the Holy Spirit to reveal such things to my spirit. Nothing came to mind. Instead, the Lord showed me a picture of Him putting His hands in mine, and standing right in front of me. He gently said, “This is all you need.” This encounter with Him was so real it was as if I could feel the weight of His hand in mine.

I continued to stand there drenched in His presence and all I could do was giggle. He was so right! All I needed to receive that weekend was HIM! I remember during the service I thought to myself how refreshing it felt to wholeheartedly worship again. For the past few months I’ve been so distracted by the mechanics of the worship portion of a service that I had neglected to truly worship the Lord. This revelation in combination with God’s sweet embrace made me remember what I was created for, worship! Throughout the weekend, the Lord began to re-ignite my desire to worship Him.

As I said, the news about the trip could not have come at a better time. What better time to start preparing for this worship focused trip, than when the Lord is refocusing my worship? I’m trusting that the Lord will continue to reveal Himself to me and my prayer is that I’m instantly obedient to Him instructions and leadings. Beginning to rediscover my hearts deepest desire has been fun, yet I know the journey is not over. Please pray with me that God teaches me to worship Him how He desires to be worshiped by me. I trust His leading, now I need to also trust myself within those places.

Would you pray about being a part of my support team? All financial contributions are tax-deductible. Checks should be made payable to New Life Ministries International and the envelope (not the check) should be clearly designated with both the trip name and my name. You may include the country/trip name on the memo line of your check but please do not include my name. If the check is designated with my name, according to IRS regulations, you will not be able to use it as a tax deduction. Also, you may make an online contribution through our website at http://newlife.cc/. Because we have to meet deadlines for airfare deposits and other arrangements, I need to have adequate financial support raised as soon as possible.

And if you are interested in being part of my personal prayer support team, please email me or give me a call. We plan to keep our prayer team regularly updated with prayer requests and praise reports. Thank you for praying about being part of our team in any way possible!

New Life Contribution Policy: “Contributions to short-term mission trips are tax-deductible; however, in accordance with IRS regulations, these designated offerings are subject to the governing board’s control and discretion. When contributions for a particular individual exceed trip expenses, the governing board may redirect contributions to other mission team expenses or to another activity within the missions department.”

Breaking the Ice

Recently, I’ve been extremely emotional. Like, ridiculously so. As a whole I try to be a very transparent person, yet when it comes to the core pieces of my heart, I keep those very private. So much so that sometimes I don’t realize the truth of what I’m thinking or feeling because I’ve kept it buried from myself. Well, over the last week or so, I’ve felt like a blubbering idiot who can’t stop crying. Whether it’s someone sharing a story with me, remembering something from my past, experiencing the presence of God, or reading some stupid chain letter email… my heart has been tugged and I start crying.

The only emotion I could connect was feelings about my dad. All sorts of things have been appearing out of nowhere. Feelings that I’d assume were long gone, yet for whatever reason, they are resurfacing and causing all sorts of emotional spillage. Although, it’s not exactly painful… more so, like a release of something.

You know how there are times that you just need a good cry? Maybe it’s a girl thing but I know when I’m really stressed or overwhelmed with pressure, I always feel better if I cry. Regardless of what triggers the actual tears, there is something released and a sense of freedom that seems to sweep. THAT’s what these recent sobbing sessions have felt like.

I noticed in the latter part of last week that my spirit has seemed to be hyper sensitive as well, and began to assume the two are interconnected in some way. While on the retreat this weekend, God showed me a picture.

I was peering down a well that seemed to be completely empty, the chasm of darkness traveled further than I could see. In the next segment I was able to see the ground to the well. I saw myself standing on and looking at an endless body of crystal clear water that was frozen. Beside where I was standing on the ice was a man with some sort of chisel. He was kneeled down, gently tapping away at the surface of the water. Soon a crack started spreading from the point of the chisel across. Then another crack, then another, then another, until finally one of the cracks began to leak with the water that was trapped beneath. In the vision I remember being afraid of the water that was escaping, yet the man hammering the ice seemed to be smiling. Not understanding what was happening, I began carefully walking away from the cracked ice. As I watched, the cracks in the ice grew larger and more water began to erupt. The vision shifted and now I saw myself swimming underneath the ice covered water. I remembered the familiar feeling of panic as if I were watching a movie where someone was trapped and needed rescuing. But this was a different panic. I was not panicking because I was trapped underneath the water; my panic was because the water below the surface was being exposed. I was frantically moving away from the open places in the ice where I could have gotten out. Instead I was trying to avoid the exposure to stay beneath the ice.

While asking the Lord what this meant, He spoke to me that this is what He’s been doing with my heart. I wasn’t able to see the depths that He’s brought me too over the years or the depths that He wants to continue deepening. Within those depths, there are places that I’ve felt I needed to hide, emotions that I’ve been trapping and freedom that I’ve been running away from. He said that it’s time to release and be free. He urged me not to be afraid of the solid surface being broken, because it was never meant to be there in the first place. He told me that He’s taking gentle care and is working His way through the ice so that I am able to be freely washed away with Him.

Seeing that vision brought so much clarity to the emotional roller coaster I’ve been on recently. Understandably there are feelings still remaining from past tragedies, but again, even with the raw and vulnerable state of my heart, I’ve not been feeling bad pains. These are good pains; pains of release, pains of freedom, growing pains towards Christ, maturing pains, some uncomfortable pains yet all good pains.

Destination: Guatemala! January Update

Thank you for your patience in waiting for my update as our team has been finalizing decision regarding our trip.

I’ve been waiting for our first team meeting to provide you all with more information on the specifics of our time in Guatemala. Rather than give you trip details, I have other news to share with each of you. Our Guatemala trip has been postponed to later this summer, probably around late July or sometime in August.

There are several reasons for the rescheduling: 1. NLMI requires at least 5 people to make a trip happen and there were not enough people signed up for this trip yet. 2. With the amount of work, orphans, and energy required for the trip to Guatemala, a small number of people would not do the children any justice. The team last year had 18 members and from what I’m told, they had their hands full! 3. Because advertisement for the trip and support raising all fell so close to Christmas, and only 2 months before the trip, our leaders feel that if people were given more time to plan and prepare, that the number of team members would increase. 4. The trip requires people w/ skills in singing/music/art/ and dance and unfortunately at this point, we don’t have each of those components on our team. 5. One of our team leaders, Eunice, would only be able to stay with us until 1/2 way through the trip due to other ministry responsibilities; rescheduling would allow her to be a part of the whole experience.

As soon as I received this news, I knew in my heart that I was still called to this trip. Moments after I discussed these changes with Tina, our team leader, I went into a worship service. There was a Kim Walker song playing, which was already a favorite of mine, yet God spoke loud and clear to me through lyrics in the song. “No turning back, I’ve made up my mind. I’m giving all of my life this time.”

I felt God’s heart for me as those lyrics were repeated. He’s made up His mind to send me to Guatemala, and I’ve made up my mind to give Him my whole life. The Lord distinctly placed a burden on my heart for these Guatemalan orphans, and I fully trust His faithfulness in bringing me to them!

The main thing I want you to remember is that the trip is NOT CANCELLED... just rescheduled for later this year. We just want the opportunity to be made available for more members to join our team AND we want it to be the best possible ministry TO THE ORPHANS!

God overwhelmed me yet again with His faithfulness and has provided amazing financial support in an extremely small period of time. I promptly sent out my support letters during the week of Christmas. In 5 short weeks, the Lord has provided $1,050.00 towards my $1,500.00 balance owed for this trip; leaving only $450.00 to raise between now and the summer time. HOW AMAZING IS OUR LORD?!

While in my deciding process I assumed this trip was out of reach since money needed to be raised in such a short period of time from when the trip was introduced. Yet as soon as God spoke Guatemala to my heart and spirit, He made sure I knew HE was the one providing!

At our Sunday morning service, Pastor Dan showed a small video of the disaster areas in Haiti. Several pictures showed young children in the midst of the tragedy. As tears filled my eyes, the Lord comforted me by whispering that I’ll be able to hug and comfort the orphans in Guatemala and spread His loving heart to them.

Thank you deeply to everyone who has sent their support both with prayers and finances. I feel your prayers and God’s riches are being stored up for those orphans!

Please continue to pray for the team God is building and for the lives He wants to affect in Guatemala. I will keep you updated as we receive more information on our trip!

Love lots of love,

Where to next?

Dearest Family and Friends,

It hasn’t been long since I came back from my amazing trip to Turkey. As you know from my previous updates, God truly molded my heart differently and in a greater way than expected. Since that time, God has continually been refining my character and revealing to me who He has created me to be. As I mentioned during my preparations for Turkey, God has been creating in me a deep desperation to bring His healing power to the nations through worship. With great enthusiasm I share with you yet another amazing opportunity God has allowed me to take advantage of. I will be a part of a mission team through New Life Providence Church to the country of Guatemala! Our team is scheduled to be in Guatemala from Saturday, February 27, 2010 – Saturday, March 6, 2010.

While we are in Guatemala, we will be visiting multiple orphanages and teaching the kids how to create a lifestyle of worship. The previous New Life team already laid foundational aspects of this very idea. We are going back with the expectation that God will use us to deepen the work He began during the last trip. In addition to teaching, there will be lots of playful times spent with the kids and possibly some outreaches and ministry opportunities with local churches. My hearts desire is to be a tangible example of God’s love for these children. I’ve never been to Guatemala, and never known anyone I will meet while we’re there, and yet I love them already. I believe God is opening my heart to receive an overflowing amount of love directly from His heart to pour into the people we will encounter.

Our team will be very busy, as our trip is just around the corner, learning about Guatemala and preparing for our ministry time there. I would like to invite you to be part of our team! We need people who will pray for us as we prepare and while we are on the field. We also need people who can partner with us financially. It will cost approximately $1,500.00 for me to go to Guatemala.

Would you pray about being a part of my support team? All financial contributions are tax-deductible. Checks should be made payable to New Life Ministries International (NLMI – Dept. of Missions, 1244 Thompkins Lane, Virginia Beach, VA 23464) and the envelope (not the check) should be clearly designated with both the trip name and my name. You may include the country/trip name on the memo line of your check but please do not include my name. If the check is designated with my name, according to IRS regulations, you will not be able to use it as a tax deduction. Also, you may make an online contribution through our website at http://newlife.cc/. Because we have to meet deadlines for airfare deposits and other arrangements, I need to have adequate financial support raised as soon as possible.

And if you are interested in being part of my personal prayer support team, please email me or give me a call. We plan to keep our prayer team regularly updated with prayer requests and praise reports. Thank you for praying about being part of our team in any way possible!

With lots of love,



New Life Contribution Policy: “Contributions to short-term mission trips are tax-deductible; however, in accordance with IRS regulations, these designated offerings are subject to the governing board’s control and discretion. When contributions for a particular individual exceed trip expenses, the governing board may redirect contributions to other mission team expenses or to another activity within the missions department.”

Opportunity of a Lifetime

God's been working on my heart a lot recently. And because of that there have been all sorts of spiritual and emotional hurdles thrown in my path. For instance, in the last several days I've been really missing my dad. Not for any particular reason other than I just miss him. Which is such a strange feeling. I only knew my dad for 13 years. Numerically that seems significant enough, however, I have no idea what a relationship would look like with him today. I remember things about him from when I was a kid, but I was just that, a child. I have no idea how I would have a father-daughter relationship with him in the here and now. Honestly, I don't even know if I remember him as much as I lead myself to believe. What if I am personifying an image of someone I've been told about and less someone I actually remember knowing. It's heartbreaking to think this way.

It makes things even more difficult when I feel as though I am following so closely in his footsteps, or at least the footsteps of his heart, so to speak. The one thing that I will never debate is my father's heart for worship. It oozed out of him. And now, as God's been stretching me in my own passion and destiny for worship, I feel as though I'm understanding my dad in a new way. I don't want to sound mystical but I truly do feel as though the mantel of worship has been passed to me. It wasn't until years after he passed away that God revealed my desires for worship. Years ago I was journaling and trying to express what I wanted from myself as a worshipper. Randomly I found a eulogy written about my dad that mentioned his heart's desire. After reading that one descriptive sentence, it's as if every unnamed thought, desire, passion, and heartthrob I had been wrestling with for years prior finally had a definition. There was no better way for God the Father to reveal the heart He created in me, than through my earthly father. He left a legacy which I never knew about as a child, not consciously anyways, didn't find until years after his death, and now claim as the cry of my own heart.

For months now I've constantly felt this inner tension, sort of like growing pains. I feel such a need to push past the things that have held me back from worshipping for so long. That same need paralyzes me. God's given me an ability that I'm confident in, however, when I'm put on the spot, every insecurity no matter how small explodes to the surface and chokes me! God's so much bigger than my fears, yet I never give Him the chance to prove that through me. Why the heck not? I don't really know. It seems easier to pass things onto someone else who's 'been there, done that'. But then, what is it going to take for this giant thing that's been churning within me, for God knows how long, to come out? How will I know when I'm standing face to face with the actual 'opportunity of a lifetime'? Perhaps every time God opens a door, it is in fact the 'opportunity of my lifetime' and I'm too afraid to admit that I want to take Him up on His offer.